Happy St. Patrick's Day

Alas, it is once again St. Patrick's Day. A day when we celebrate St. Patrick, supposedly, driving all the snakes from Ireland. And I, for one, am a terrible Irishman; I don't get drunk off my ass and I don't even wear green. Shameful isn't it? My Irish ancestors must be slurring insults at me, even as I speak. Oh well, I've always related to the British side of me anyway; so I drink tea in excess and look down my nose at Americans. Isn't heritage a wonderful thing? Besides, St. Patrick was Scottish.